The last day of being seventeen, i feel extremely tired and i am not ready to be "an adult"
WHY!?!?! you might ask
well here is my answer:
1. My parents think i dont study enough so i had to go to the libary for eight hrs straight on monday on the first week of summer just to prove i want to get out of De Anza as soon as possible, transfer to an UC. just think about it: eight hrs in the library read about 800 pages. i just don't know what to say.
2. i have no self control thats is why my parents want me to lose about 30 lbs to be "normal" i need to "stop eating fatly" and "exerice more than what i do now" which is swim for about twenty to thirty laps or more per day. they want me to go run, do sit ups and push ups...you know what this remind me of? they want me to be like my brother: FIT!
3. Did somethings that no one sees it and being remind that i need to do or i am not suitable to be "an adult" because i may night have the ability to take on responsibilities. Even though i already did everything in order, but apperantly i can not be trusted! so who am i kidding? i am not ready to be "an adult"
4. through a conversation with a friend of mine who wants to hang out with me and "my friends" because tomorrow is my birthday, i can't think of anyone else besides that friend and three other people she metioned. That is also very sad becasue i can't name people that might "consider me as a friend" and "want to hang out with me on my birthday" i am sure there are plenty, but it is just sad taht i can't name anyone at that particular moment.
5. I don't feel differnt than yesterday, i won't feel differnent tomorrow. everyday is the same thing. wake up in the morning, eat, work, and go back to sleep. i don't feel differnt. i also don't believe people change over night. therefore if i am not ready to be an adult today, who am i kidding to say that i am ready for tomorrow? my eighteen birthday.
Conclusion: I don't want to be eighteen, nor do i want tomorrow to come. it seems to me that i am not ready for the tasks that stand before and there is no way i can cross these obstacles, because being "good" isn't enough for a brother / cell leader / son / friend / student / and any other obligations i have. it has to be "excellent"
well..this is a depressing entry, but just to be a good person, i wish you all have a wonderful day with bright future and look back at all the stupid things we do and laugh~! i truely i can be with you and laugh about our past, but i am sorry that is not something i can do right now. but i will one day! i will! trust me. do you trust me? i hope you do! | 
